I was helping my friend plan some stuff and run errands for her boyfriends birthday today and I started thinking about the inevitable day in 3 months that I am going to turn 30…don’t worry, this isn’t an, ‘Oh God. My youth is over’ post. And it got me thinking (roughly) about what I want to do; a few months ago I had decided that I was going to go back to Victoria for a visit but it seems really expensive and if I get back will I want to leave again, or I could go to England and see my mom and other family members, or I could stay in Australia and celebrate with my new friends here. There are so many choices and I got a little upset that I don’t have a home. I mean I grew up on the east coast of Canada but I have sporadic to no contact with anyone who lives in New Brunswick anymore, so that is out as ‘home’.
Then I moved to England, I lived there for 10 years, had some of the best times in my life, met some of the best people and gained a new family of a sister and stepfather, I have a UK passport, my mom is there but it never felt right to me. I have more contact with the people that live in England than the people in New Brunswick but alas time and space away from one another means that we have grown distant. I mean I love my friends in the UK but REALLY, honestly if it wasn’t for my mom, sis and stepdad I wouldn’t really ever even consider going back there. When I was 24 and moved back to Canada, my ever wise stepdad told someone inquiring about me, “Even though she lived here for 10 years, Kate was always Canadian”.
Maybe that is getting a little bit closer to where ‘home’ is…Canada. But where in Canada, i have already ruled out New Brunswick, and pretty much no power on this earth could make me move to Ontario even though the vast majority of my Canadian family lives in one town in Ontario so that only leaves Victoria.
Victoria is beautiful, the scenery and the people (for the most part), it is the place that I have felt the most ‘at home’ in the last 10 or so years. Yes, I have great friends there, a few that I consider family but I have no real ties to the place. It was a city that I mostly picked by random happenstance and stayed for awhile. I am not a 4th generation Victorian nor do I don’t have any family in BC for that matter. I mean one of my most traveled friends returned to Victoria after 16 months away because it was home and he has family there. This is a guy who booked a one way ticket to South America and said “Maybe I’ll be back”. But he inevitably went back home again. I am not saying that he will stay there and never travel again but he has a home base.
Now Australia, over the last 2 months Australia has been cruel and kind to me. Everything is seeming to slot into place at the moment (I probably just jinxed the shit out of that btw), I am making good friends, I have a good place to live, several jobs 🙂 but is that enough for me to settle down and make it home? Maybe…maybe not.
As you may have noticed, I don’t really settle well, I tried in Victoria, I really did. I bought a couch for fuck sake. So I bring you this question, are some people just not meant to settle down? Are some people just not meant to have a home base? The one place they can always return too when they are done doing what it is that they have to do.
Am I doomed to travel this earth forever in the fruitless search for a place to call home? Or in probably one of the cheesiest things that I will ever say and I apologize, Is home where you make it? I refuse to say “Home is where the heart is”. I won’t and you can’t make me 😛